She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
