the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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