Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
