But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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