hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As shirtless as possible
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
