don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dear god my vagina.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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