i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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