I got chris browned last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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