I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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