I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
