I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
