I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
