hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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