Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
