Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
