Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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