Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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