"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
