I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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