Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
