Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
