White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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