He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
