i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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