In America we eat man semen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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