just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
