Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
