Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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