i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
