I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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