life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
