If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
