Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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