Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
