I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
