you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
