well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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