how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
