Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I touched a dick in church today
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
