My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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