we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
