cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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