I just threw up on my dentist
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
