is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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