Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
