two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
