Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
