I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mom said you looked used
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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