So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
jump out the window naked night went bad
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
