Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
