I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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