You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
