you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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