Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
