My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
